Going back in time

Twenty years later, fifteen pounds heavier, a little wiser, a little more confident, a little more better dressed, a lot less Aqua net (that's hairspray for you kiddos) and a few more gray hairs later, I will again see those girls I spent my high school with. Yup, I have a H.S. reunion tomorrow. I don't even know why I'm going since I hated high school. I was awkward, unfashionable, and unpopular and I totally felt I just didn't fit in with the rest of them. And yet, I torture myself and my pocket (having bought a plane ticket to get to California) and off I go to the reunion.

I knew about this a long time ago and I've made arrangements awhile back for this. And today, the reality of seeing them again tomorrow hit me. All the insecurities and other unpleasant memories came flooding back to haunt me this morning. Seriously, I had no idea how I got to work since the whole time I was driving my mind was filled with sudden memories of that time.

Fine, I know I sound a bit melodramatic. If I objectively look at it, it's your typical teenage angst and worries and yet when I relive it in my mind I don't think it's melodramatic at all. I'm sure I had some good times during high school but somehow what I could remember the most are the times I felt bad about myself and how other made me fell bad whether unintentionally or not.

I'm a different person from what I was then, I'm more confident, I look a whole lot better now than then, I have a gorgeous husband, a beautiful child, a naughty dog, I have distinguished abbreviations at the end of my name and I'm pretty sure I'm a whole lot thinner than the rest of them. I've seen the pictures. But damn, when I think about myself back then I'm not too happy about the picture that comes to mind.

I don't even know what my motivations are with going. The 3 girls who I actually was friends with would not even be there. Maybe it's to show off or maybe to see what has happened to them (my perceived nemesis) and if time has done any damages or maybe I just want to finally resolve all the bad feelings I've had that's associated with that time. Whatever it is, tomorrow, I'll be in high school again.